Friday, April 30, 2010

Push Thru It! As-Is

Like readying a house for the market, we can spend lots of energy enticing others to like, invest in or desire us. ‘For Sale’ signs that say 'I’m Gorgeous Inside' and ‘New, Reduced Price’ may beckon potential buyers to look further; however, this approach to relationships can lead us into pleasing behavior (e.g., what can I change to position myself better in order for this person to like me?) or lowering our ‘asking price’ or expectations in order to get the response we are looking for, be that love or approval.

I recently advised a friend struggling with financial woes to put a For Sale ‘As-Is’ sign in front of her house, rather than do the maneuvering, fixing and staging to get the house on the market. No overhead, caulking or backflips; just a simple expression of, “Take me as I am”.

Accept yourself ‘As-Is’. Admit your frailties and dare to risk others’ disapproval or rejection. Do the work of self-improvement and embrace your imperfections. Free yourself from trying to shape yourself to fit someone else’s expectations or what you think they want, because this behavior ultimately results in you paying the higher price when the person you are trying to please wants you to be different, etc..

Accepting yourself ‘As-Is’ means that you recognize you are a work in progress. ‘As-Is’ means you treasure the uniqueness of who you are. ‘As-is’ means truly celebrating your value, rather than lowering your asking price to fit others’ expectations.

  • Whom are you trying to please?
  • In what way might you be lowering your expectations?
  • How can you accept yourself ‘As-Is’?

1 comment:

  1. The idea of accepting yourself 'as is' reminds me of a Buddhist quote which states, "It is better to travel than to arrive." The state of ‘perfection’ (as defined by others) is not as important as the journey one chooses to take for oneself. This concept was adopted by the group Swing Out Sister for their 1987 album "It's Better To Travel" which featured their hit song Breakout.

    The connection I make is that we can ‘breakout’ of the restrictions others place on us by accepting ourselves ‘as is’. Even better when we find someone who does not impose themselves, but accepts our journey, and joins us along the way as they pursue their own path.

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